Grow the Good

Dear Sisters,

In preparation for my lesson this coming Sunday, I have been thinking about some of my favorite verses in scripture. I’d like to share them with you. This is from Jacob, Chapter 5, in which he shares the allegory of the tame and wild olive trees. In these particular verses, the Lord of the vineyard is teaching his servant how to prune his olive trees for the last time:  

64 Wherefore, dig about [the trees of my vineyard], and prune them, and dung them once more, for the last time, for the end draweth nigh. And if it be so that these last grafts shall grow, and bring forth the natural fruit, then shall ye prepare the way for them, that they may grow.

 65 And as they begin to grow ye shall clear away the branches which bring forth bitter fruit, according to the strength of the good and the size thereof; and ye shall not clear away the bad thereof all at once, lest the roots thereof should be too strong for the graft, and the graft thereof shall perish, and I lose the trees of my vineyard.

 66 For it grieveth me that I should lose the trees of my vineyard; wherefore ye shall clear away the bad according as the good shall grow, that the root and the top may be equal in strength, until the good shall overcome the bad, and the bad be hewn down and cast into the fire, that they cumber not the ground of my vineyard; and thus will I sweep away the bad out of my vineyard. 

Usually when I read this chapter, I am the tree that the Lord is working on and teaching His servant to prune. When I read it this way, I love the many times that He says, “It grieveth me that I should lose this tree.” I feel that I am precious to Him. In these particular verses, I love how gentle He is in His pruning. He doesn’t come at me with a chainsaw to sever all my weaknesses and bad habits at once. Instead, He focuses on the good that is within me and encourages me to grow the good so that it can eventually overcome the bad. 

Lately, when I think of these verses, the tree is my family. It is my family that is precious to the Lord and that He doesn’t want to lose. I am learning (this is new to me) that with the Lord’s help, I can work on family problems by setting aside my own chainsaw and focusing on growing something good instead of cutting out something bad.

For example, we have four young daughters. The drama and volume can escalate quickly when one or more of them gets hurt, physically or emotionally. Exasperated is the best word I can used to describe how I feel in these moments that happen frequently during any given day. So often I have heard myself say things like, “If you don’t want run into the doorknob, then quit walking backwards (or with a skirt on your head, or with your eyes closed, or with your hair in your face)!”

Recently, Tim and I have decided to add something good in these moments of frustration. Instead of telling them they did something wrong and that it’s their fault they got hurt, we affirm what they are feeling: “I am so sorry you ran into that doorknob. That hurts!” When we remember to react this way, it instantly disperses the drama (and lowers the volume) because they feel validated. They calm down much faster, and Tim and I are able to comfort them and teach them. 

This principle works with big family challenges as well as the small ones. Click here for an Ensign article written by a woman who used this principle to save her marriage. Please read her story and study these scriptures over the next few days. Think of ways you may be able to grow the good in your family. Do some experimenting. On Sunday, I’d like to discuss this woman’s experience and your experiences so that we may all learn together how to grow the good.

—Erica Royer